Despite our father son struggles, I never doubted my father's love, which was our lifeline through some pretty rough times. There are plenty of warm memories-he and I on the couch watching TV together, walking a gravel road in Crete, Ill.，at dusk, riding home in a car, singing“Red River Valley.”
He had this way of smiling at me, this way of tossing a backhanded compliment, letting me know he was proud of me and my achievements. He was a rugged teaser, and it was during his teasing that I always sensed his great unspoken love. When I was older, I would understand that this is how many men show affection without acknowledging vulnerability. And I imitated his way of saying“I love you”by telling him his nose was too big or his ties too ugly.